


I would rather forget

by Trash



Category: Bastille
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11941830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: Dan has a panic attack. Kyle tries to help.





	I would rather forget

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Grip.

Dan is well versed in panic attack coping methods. So much so that nobody would notice the internal meltdown he has mid set at Glastonbury. 

Be here now, he tells himself over and over. Hear the crowd, feel the heat of the lights, the pulse of the bass. He can smell weed, somewhere, and the body spray he borrowed off Woody. 

Disassociating during a set is always a strange experience. He hovers above himself and watches the show, watches the band move seamlessly from song to song. Then suddenly he's back, and it's over. And oh, well. 

Dan is well versed in methods of faking it. So it's easy to smile when they're off stage and join in with the rest of the band for the 'that was incredible's and the 'I can't believe it's over already's. 

Later, at the hotel, Kyle drapes an arm around him. "Y'alright, baby?"

Dan smiles and lets Kyle lean on him as they cross the lobby to the lifts. "Yeah, fine."

"Tell your face, then."

"What?"

"I'm not new, Dan. Something happened on stage."

The doors to the lift open and Dan steps in, busying himself with trying to remember which floor his room is on. "Dunno what you mean," he says to the panel of buttons. 

"Dan."

Kyle's weary exasperation is too much. Dan turns to look him in the eye. "What do you want me to say? You already seem to know. I had a panic attack, but it didn't affect anything, so let's not talk about it."

"That's. That's a terrible coping mechanism."

"I know this."

They stand in silence, Dan unable to take his eyes off Kyle now that he's looking. "S'not working."

Kyle's face does this sad thing that makes him look like a kicked puppy. "No, babes. It's working, it is. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up, I just knew you'd not talk about it and just let it...fester inside you and then you'd watch the show back and hate yourself. And I'm not going to let you do that anymore, okay? Because you're not alone with this anxiety stuff. You got Will and Woody and...me. If you want me. To talk to. I mean."

Dan blinks. "You done?"

"Um. Yeah. Hang on. No." Kyle takes a step across the tiny space of the lift and hems Dan in, looking down on him with an intense stare. Then he kisses him. 

It's just a kiss, nothing they've not done drunk or for a laugh. But it's not. It's more than that, because this time Kyle's hands creep around Dan's waist to pull him closer and Dan lets him, brings his arms up to wrap around Kyle's shoulders as he melts into the kiss. 

When they break apart Dan knows he is blushing. He looks down at his feet. "Thanks for the uh, monologue and all that. But I meant the lift."

"You what?"

"The lift isn't working," Dan says. 

Kyle looks faintly sick, steps out of Dan's space. "Oh. Er, right. Did you press the button?"

Dan honestly can't remember, presses them all for good measure. The car jerks a little before moving and Dan snorts, turning back to Kyle who is trying not to laugh. 

"Plonker."

"Yeah, well. Tell anyone and I'll tell them about your heartfelt monologue and that kiss."

Kyle's face does that hurt thing again. "Tell anyone you want. I'd like to do it again, actually. The kiss, I mean."

Dan considers it for a minute. "Oh."

The lift stops at the next floor, doors opening to an empty hall. When they close again Dan takes the initiative to kiss Kyle again, only stopping when the doors open. 

"I...don't know what this means," Kyle says. "I hadn't really thought ahead."

"Can mean whatever we want it to. Personally, I want it to mean the start of more kisses. And for the rest of the kisses to be the start of above clothing touching. And then for that to-"

The lift stops. Doors open to an empty hall. 

"Let's take the fucking stairs," Kyle says. His hand is hot in Dan's as he tows him out of the lift to the stairwell. They trip up plenty on their way to their floor, and Dan isn't confident he knows which room is his so thank fuck Kyle is. 

Standing in the middle of the bedroom, both still fully dressed, Kyle says, "not gonna have another panic attack, are you?"

Dan laughs, crosses his arms over his stomach to grab the bottom of his shirt and pull it over his head. His self harm scars are barely visible, but Kyle's eyes find them anyway. It makes Dan shiver. 

"Can I just say," Kyle begins, "before we get too..."

"Sexy."

"Eloquent. Just want to say I'm not just doing this for the LOLs. Okay? So if you are..."

"No."

"Okay. Good. That's good."

"Stop stalling, baby."

"Right. Well. Bed, then?" 

Dan smiles, fondly. "Bed," he says. 

-fin-


End file.
